You know what frustrates me...How fake I can be sometimes. I put on a happy face, like everything is going ok, when really..its not. I mean I would love to be real with people, but seriously, who wants to hear the "drama" going on inside of me, and if they wanted to hear it...would I really want to tell. I don't know. A close friend and I were talking last weekend about how badly we hide what we are dealing with because we are afraid that people would judge us becuase of our struggles, so how do I get rid of that fear. How does one "just open up" like I was told to do earlier today. I've realized that I like to trick myself into thinking that I'm open with people. They ask me whats going on in my life and I talk about my family, or my ministry, but never how I am doing. Never on what I PERSONALLY am struggling with or what I PERSONALLY need prayer for. So I've discovered that I'm very good at hiding behind...well everything.

Sorry that my xanga seems so angry...it not. I just don't know how to change. I want to, but I've trained myself to be so guarded. Even now I want to erase everything I just wrote so no one would know. Well, now you know...its a small step, but a step none the less.

I love you guys...all of you...really. God bless. Dee. 

  Well...First of all I want you all to know that I am ONLY writing a new post becuase my annoying, yet I love him against my will little brother, Joel (aka..JJ Thunder, hehe) demanded it of me.

Two more weeks and I'm done with my junior year of college. It's scary to think that this summer I have to start planning for...well...the rest of my life. I'm so glad God has my back.

There Joel...I wrote something....are you happy? Love you baby boy! Dee.

This week has been anything but easy. It's been struggles and it's been hard. I have failed and I have perservered, and its only Tuesday. Through all that has gone on this week I have come to one conclusion. I don't want to be in control. How tiring is it to try and guide my life through the twisted mess that we call "todays" society. I don't want today's post to sound like one  of depression or hopelessness, because I don't feel either. I am excited, I feel myself changing, or rather, God changing me. I have felt lost for so long but I know now that I've been ok all along...He has never left me or forsaken me. Even when I was doing things on my own, His beautiful grace saved me from so much. I don't know what my future holds, I only have the little that He gives me at the time, but for the first time in my life thats ok. I'm content with just being. Being here, being in His arms, and waiting, for His perfect timing. I guess the real purpose of this post is to say from the words of Isaiah. "Here I am, send ME!" anytime, anywhere. I don't care, as long as I'm with Him. 

God bless. Dee.

So I went to a Jeremy Camp concert in Bellevue, Nebraska today, and decided. All I want is Jesus. Nothing else. He's it. Nothing in this world can even begin to compare. He's all I need. Ever.

Love you all. God bless.

                                    Dee

So...Dare2Share was awesome...more on that later...I have to go to work. hehe.

                                         Blessings. Dee